Communique
by everyl1ttleth1ng
Summary: S2 SPOILERS. Fitz is broken. Simmons is gone and he doesn't even seem to realise. But in a post-midnight moment of total clarity, he sees things as they really are. Followed by some unwarranted Fitzsimmons total fluff. You can only read this if you promise to read it in your best Fitzsimmons accents. I know nothing post E1 but I know what I WANT and it goes something like this.
1. Chapter 1

**Communiqué**

**_***SEASON TWO SPOILER ALERT***_**

_Fitz is broken. Simmons is gone and he doesn't even seem to realise. But in a post-midnight moment of total clarity, he sees things as they really are and pours out his heart to Jemma in a letter he doesn't know if he can ever send. You can only read this if you promise to read it in your best Fitz accent. Written in the utter hell of suspense between S2E1 and whatever is going to happen next…_

_._

_._

Jemma,

I woke in the dark and you were gone. It wasn't just that couldn't feel your hand on my shoulder, it was that I actually remembered the moment that you (the Jemma that possesses corporeal reality) embraced me, kissed me and said goodbye, leaving your tears on my neck.

I know I've been living in denial of that moment - keeping you with me, muttering to you, bickering with you. I'm sure someone in here has been telling you that, that you've been worrying about me between yourselves. But in those moments, when I imagine you here comforting me, you tell me that you can see that I'm getting better. You tell me that soon I'll see it too. And right in this moment, Jemma, I do see it. Right in this moment I'm myself – the absolute wally that you know and love. But it's 3am wherever I am and I don't even know where in the world you are and you're the only person that I want to tell, you're the only person I want to prove myself to, that I want to be better for.

In our cosy little box at the bottom of the ocean, the last time I remember feeling this clear-headed, I showed you how I felt, but I still haven't said it. I want to say it now, just in case this is a clarity that I never experience again.

Jemma, I'm your best friend in the whole world, and I am so honoured to be that man. But, as I said, you are so much more to me than that. I am, and I think I probably have always been, completely off my nut in love with you. _Of course_ I followed you into the field - who am I without you? And of course I _wanted_ to follow you into the field because, though it terrified the life out of me, I loved the new light the idea of it brought into your eyes. But out of the lab, I just saw all your gifts, all your wonderfulness more clearly, while all my weaknesses, all my pettiness, all my cowardliness was brought into stark relief.

Out here you get to see some impressive men – Ward, before he turned out to be an evil psychopath, Coulson, and this Triplett guy that I'm particularly nervous about – men that are good at what they do without even a hint of my pettiness or cowardice. I wish I could be like them for you, Jemma. I wish you would one day look at me the way I've seen you look at Tripp, but those crucial seconds of oxygen deprivation have left just the shell of me, not only will I never be one of them for you, I may not even ever be myself.

I have very few regrets, Jemma. I've seen you come alive in new ways since we left the lab. I've seen you throw yourself wholeheartedly into every challenge, I've seen you bring warmth and compassion as well as logic and medical expertise into every situation we've found ourselves in and I've even gleaned some courage from the courage you seem to somehow have in excess. You were always beautiful to me, but now all that has passed between us has made you so much more beautiful that you have genuinely ruined me for any one else.

I know that you don't love me the way that I love you, Jemma, and because of what has happened, I'm actually thankful for my broken heart. I want all the very best things for you and I am very far from that, especially now. The Simmons delusion that I have with me most of them time is a great second-best. I think she even finds me a bit less annoying than you do – maybe that's the silver-lining! But I'll always love you, Jemma Simmons, and I'll always wish you well.

All my love, Your Fitz – or what's left of him.


	2. Chapter 2

_At the end of Ep2 I'm no closer to seeing my dreams for Fitzsimmons realised. Terrible! What follows is not meant to be one of Fitz' delusions - that makes it SO heartbreaking! It's instead intended to be my imagining of what might come after their real-for-real reunion. Which I'm desperate to believe might happen soon!?_

.

Oh, no. I'm delusional again, aren't I.

What makes you say that, Fitz?

Well, maybe the fact that I'm lying here with you on this enormous bed in this posh hotel room and you're undoing my tie?

I have to undo your tie. I can't very well get your shirt off with your tie still on, can I?

That's not exactly what I meant. I'm referring to the whole… um… predicament we've got ourselves into here.

Fitz, we talked about this, remember? We made a plan. I'm seducing you.

When you say "_we_ made a plan" I think you mean _you_ made a plan. As I recall my mouth was so wide open in shock that I couldn't get a word out. I only nodded.

I took your nodding to indicate the assent that nodding traditionally indicates.

Perfectly logical conclusion, I grant you. My issue with this scenario is not so much how you interpreted my nodding but whether or not this is exactly where we both want to be right now.

But didn't we agree? Didn't we discuss the fact that activities of this… um… nature are the obvious next step for people who… um… feel what we feel?

Well, I suppose that's true for the people on all those American soaps we watch, but that's not exactly us, is it?

No, I suppose not many of those girls even have ties to contend with.

Those men barely even wear shirts.

Exactly. No, hang on, this is not a very helpful tangent.

Look, Jemma, this morning you came back to the bus after all that time you'd been away, and you found me in the lab, and I was well, and you were delighted and you told me… you told me that you…

That I love you.

Yes! That you love me!

That I've been in love with you all this time but never let myself see it.

Yes! Which is the very best piece of data I have ever had the joy of processing!

And then, my lack of experience with this sort of thing led me to conclude that our next step, as two people in love, should be something along these lines.

That you should seduce me.

Precisely! And hence, here we are.

Jemma, would you be terribly disappointed if I suggested that we postpone this step in favour of some, um… well… pre-seduction activities?

Pre-seduction activities? What did you have in mind?

Well, I've been in touch with my feelings for a little bit longer than you, haven't I? So I've had a little bit longer to dream these things up.

No need to sound so smug about it. I'm usually quicker with logic, but this doesn't exactly fit under logic.

I suppose not. Anyway, these things I want to do…

A pre-seduction bucket list? Isn't that what the Americans would call it?

Probably, though blowed if I know what that even means. Anyway, whatever it's called, here it is: I want us to walk hand-in-hand down the street in Glasgow.

In Glasgow, Fitz? We're secret agents in a discredited global spy organisation! Who knows how long it will be before we can walk openly down the street anywhere, let along hand-in-hand in Glasgow?

Ok, well, I'm just telling you what's on my list, we can nut out the details later.

Right. Next?

I want to take you to a movie and I want us to spend so much of the session kissing that we come out of the cinema with absolutely no idea what it was about.

I think we can make that happen right here in this hotel room.

Really?

Sure, they have that hotel movie menu thing.

Ok, great! Then, I want to watch you sleeping without being haunted by the terror of us maybe not surviving.

We can probably swing that tonight too.

And I want you to take me shopping with you so I can watch you appear out of change rooms in hundreds of different beautiful dresses.

Fitz, I really think you have watched too many romantic comedies.

I think I have to concur, because I also want us to go to a karaoke bar and sing "A Whole New World" from Aladdin.

Really?

And I want us to sit in a booth in a diner but on the same side.

Ok…

And… this one's probably a bit hard to swing, I want us to ride horses on a beach.

Fitz, seriously?

Ok, that one was a joke. But I do want us to go out dancing.

Dancing I like the sound of.

I knew you would. I remember watching you on the dance floor in the Boiler Room at the academy. I was always a bit miffed that though we spent all our other time together, you never seemed to be dancing with me.

I'll have to make amends.

You certainly will.

If only I could buy you a pet monkey of your very own.

Just the fact that even occurred to you means so very much.

Well, I do love you, Leo Fitz.

*kissing*

exeunt

.

.

_Anyone else think it'd be nice to see Fitzsimmons like this?_


End file.
